Narratives From the Edge
by CallistoLexx
Summary: Set in Red Witch's Misfits Universe: Psyche Out comes up with another idea on how to get the Misfits and X-Men to get along.
1. Acquisition of Approximation

**I don't own _X-Men: Evolution_ or _G.I. Joe_. They belong to Marvel. I also don't own Althea or Xi. They belong to the wonderful Red Witch. I also do not own the idea for the Misfits universe. That, too, belongs to Red Witch. Adam and Carly are mine. You want to use them, go ahead (just let me know because I really want to read what you could do to/with them.) The idea for this story came from a joke I have in my jokes folder (which I just typed up into a word document for easy copying over to RyanStarr.us) and was struck with this little story. The idea also came from Red Witch's Mutant Word Games. Wonderful story. Go read it (that is, if you haven't read it already…if you have…well, read it anyway. It's wonderful.) Anyway, the title…I couldn't come up with anything better. I'm sorry. I'm also sorry for the chapter name. I couldn't resist.**   
  


**Narratives From the Edge**   


**Chapter One: Acquisition of Approximation**   


"I love my morning emails," Psyche Out spoke aloud to himself as he opened up his email program and began downloading the morning's messages. "Hmmm…'English Class'…must be another joke from Cousin Vinnie…" He opened the message and began to read. He didn't get far before a grin spread out over his face. "This might just work!" 

************************************************ 

"What makes you think this is going to work any better than your previous ideas?" Roadblock questioned after he read the computer printout. "They can't even eat together in the same room." 

"A cooperative writing exercise is a good idea. We get the X-Men and the Misfits together and pair them off and have them work together to write a coherent story. If two of each team can get together, that may be the first step toward the teams getting along," Psyche Out justified. "Even a small step is good at this point. If even two of the kids—not including Lance and Kitty—get along, it would be worth it." 

"He has a point," Spirit sighed. "It's worth a shot. The worst that could happen is yet another fight breaking out." 

"Fine, I'll call Xavier to see what he thinks," Roadblock agreed. "This is going to be a disaster. I know it." 

************************************************ 

"Let me make sure I got this straight. The Misfits are coming over, and we know that they're coming over. So what are we still doing here? Why not just leave and avoid them altogether?" Rogue questioned as she sat with the other X-Men in the large yard behind the mansion. 

"Because sooner or later you will all need to get along," Xavier replied, his voice tinged with patience. "And Psyche Out apparently thinks he's found the way to make that happen." 

"Full frontal lobotomies for the Misfits?" Bobby suggested. 

"Very funny, Icicle," Todd stated as he and the other Misfits materialized in the yard. "You're the one that needs it, not us." 

"That's what you think." 

"Knock it off, both of you," Beach Head snapped. "I'm really not in the mood to listen to the two of you argue." 

"What are you doing here?" Ororo questioned, surprised to see the surly Joe anywhere near the Misfits. 

"I was asking that question myself," he grumbled. 

"We thought that this exercise might be of some help to him as well," Psyche Out explained. "If everyone would just take a seat, I'll explain the assignment." He waited a few moments for everyone to take a seat before passing out sheets of paper and beginning his little therapy session. "Yesterday I received an email that told of a cooperative writing assignment that was used in a Creative Writing class. That assignment is as follows. 'Each person will pair off with someone else. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. Your partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story consistent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.'" 

"And you want us to do this?" Lance asked. "Why?" 

"To teach you all cooperation," Psyche Out explained again. "I have taken the liberty of deciding who will be teamed up with who. When I call off your names, please take some paper and team up with your partner and begin the assignment. You have all day." 

"This is going to be fun," Carly stated. 

"No need to be sarcastic," the shrink soothed. 

"I think she was serious," Althea replied. 

"She is," Adam confirmed. "This isn't good." 

"May I please continue? Thank you," Psyche Out said before reading off the list amidst groans. 

Scott was partnered with Althea, Jean with Todd, Rogue with Pietro, and Kurt with Wanda. Not too much further from them were Bobby and Fred, Kitty and Adam, Remy and Xi, and Beach Head and Carly. Every one of them had taken care to stay away from the last partner team: Lance and Peter. 

The adults looked around at the pairings then looked at Psyche Out. 

"I'm sensing doom now more than ever," Roadblock groaned. "Lance and Peter?" 

"I'll prep the med lab," Hank muttered, heading off into the mansion. 

"Why is Beach Head partnered with Carly?" Xavier asked. 

"He needs to learn to get along with his 'daughter,'" Low Light snickered. "I'm finally free!" 

"We'll be lucky if there are no deaths," Roadblock stated. "I'll call and put Lifeline on alert."   


**Again, I need your help. The only partner-ing I have a concrete story idea for is (surprise, surprise) Lance and Peter. The others I need help with. So send in your ideas for what each character would be most likely to write. I even need help with Adam and Carly. So let me know what you want to see and you'll more than likely see it.**


	2. Scott and Althea

**Well, here's some more. Enjoy! :)**

**Chapter Two: Scott and Althea**

"I can't believe we're being forced to do something so stupid," Scott complained, tossing his pencil on the table. 

"The sooner we do this, the sooner it will be over," Althea sighed. "You start and make it good." 

***** 

Once there was a peaceful, law-abiding land named Bayville, where the fields were lush and green and the weather was always perfect. And the land's people were happy and hard working until one day when all that changed. Their enemies from the neighboring land attacked them with an insane fervor, their sole intent to drive the peaceful masses mad. 

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But little did the land's inhabitants know that the Misfits—their "enemies"—were trying to assist them. Their leader, the evil Xavier, with the help of his chief stooge Scooter, was using his advanced mental prowess to brainwash his people into dull, meaningless, subservient drones. The Misfits' aim was to free them so they could live free. 

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The rumors that were circulating from the Misfits' poisonous mouths were pure propaganda, spread for the sole reason of gaining troops to decimate the good people of Bayville. The good, kind Xavier deployed his strong and loyal troops to protect their citizens from the true evil madmen. 

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You guys are the ones who are evil, might I point out. Xavier is the one who always wipes people's minds. 

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But you are the reason why the Professor usually has to do that! 

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We are not, you uptight moron! 

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You are too, you psychotic pest! 

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Oh, go jump in the lake! 


	3. Todd and Jean

**I had fun with this chapter. Thank you, Red Witch, for the wonderful idea.**

**Chapter Three: Todd and Jean**

"This might not be so bad, yo," Todd stated in an attempt to be upbeat. 

"But you aren't the one who was forced to team up with an illiterate buffoon," Jean moaned. 

"What did I ever do to you?" he asked before stopping to think for a few moments. "Forget I said that. Ladies first." 

***** 

Molly Brown was just another average student at Harvard Medical School. She got good grades and was popular among both the students and the teachers. Her graduation would soon be upon her followed by the MCAT tests a few short months later. Her life was on the fast track to the top and she was ready to take the medical world by storm. Tonight was one of her rare free nights and she was happy to spend a comfortable night at home where the most stressing thing she'd have to do was decide whether to drink the Chamomile or the Earl Grey. 

------------------------------ 

She was prevented from making her decision by a bright light emerging from the back yard of the home she was renting. She looked out her kitchen window and saw a large metallic discus landing inside her fence. The hatch slowly lowered, revealing a blinding white light. A dark silhouette came into view from within the ship and the figure and two others descended through the doorway and walked the short distance to Molly's back door. The tallest of the three figures—standing no more than two feet tall—was the first to speak. "I am Widget, the leader of the Garden Gnomes of the planet Zelcom. We need your help." 

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Toad, this is ridiculous! Talking Garden Gnomes? That's sick even for you. 

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It's a story. They're supposed to be entertaining, not boring. Just go with it already. 

------------------------------ 

Molly was certain she must be hallucinating. Aliens, especially those of the Garden Gnome variety, simply did not exist. "It's just the stress of my final year," she murmured to herself as she rubbed her closed eyes. Upon opening them again, Widget and his companions had disappeared. "I really must take more days off to rest." 

------------------------------ 

But when the med student turned around, she spotted the three gnomes comfortably seated at her kitchen table, waiting for her cooperation. "Our mission is of the utmost importance, you must help us," Widget implored. "We are under attack from the Pink Flamingoes of the planet Rastor. You hold the key to our survival. Please assist us." 

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Pink Flamingoes? Toad, get serious! You aren't making any sense, even for you. 

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Why don't you just lighten up? We aren't being graded on this or anything. 

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That's not the point! The point is that you are an immature jerk! 

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Take that back you Midge doll reject! I'm just trying to have fun like Psyche Out wants us to. You're the one who has a stick as long as Montana is wide up their butt. 

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Why you little creep! I oughta… 

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You oughta what? Poof my hair up until I die of embarrassment? 

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I'll show you poofy hair! Get over here…   
  
**** ****

**Please keep sending in those story ideas. I'll try to use them. :)**   



	4. Rogue and Pietro

**Without further delay, here's what may be the two shortest chapters in the story.**   
**** ****

**Chapter Four: Rogue and Pietro**   


"I don't want to do this. They can't make me do this," Rogue pouted, glaring at her brother. 

"As if I want to do it any more than you," Pietro agreed. "This sucks." 

"Just write something already." 

***** 

Pietro Maximoff is the most attractive, most intelligent creature to have ever lived. As punishment for this, God saddled him with the most annoying of relatives. One of his relatives, an annoying sister known only as Rogue—since she apparently lacks a real name—is a sour-faced, depressing freak. 

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Give me that pen you Yahoo! I'm not a freak and I'm not depressing! 

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Yeah, right. You've turned self-pity into an art! 

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I have not you egomaniacal jackass! 

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Have too! 

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Have not! 

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You have too! 

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Shut up you albino warthog! 

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Warthog? You're calling me warthog? 

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Yes I am. You're unpleasant and you smell. 

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I do not smell! 

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Yes you do! 

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Do not! 

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Do too! 

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I do not, Infinity! 

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I hate you! 

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I hate you more! 


	5. Beach Head and Carly

**Chapter Five: Beach Head and Carly**   


"My life sucks," Beach Head groaned. "Alcohol is a bad thing!"* 

Carly frowned at her 'father.' "I'm not really that bad, am I?" 

"Don't look at me like that!" 

***** 

Good things don't often happen to people, and when they do, they must be held onto and protected from all outside threats. And that is this author's vow in consideration of her new father. She will protect him from harm, whether he likes it or not, whether he's nice to her or mean to her, or whether he likes her or not. He is one of those rare good things that happen to people. 

------------------------------ 

I'm not going to feel guilty. I refuse to feel guilty! 

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That's okay. I'm just letting you know of my intentions. 

------------------------------ 

Fine. Will you start over, please? 

------------------------------ 

Fine. ....................................................................................................... There once was a girl from Nantucket… 

------------------------------ 

Fine, I'll start. There once was a harmless, hard-working man who spent his life in service of his country. Then one day his peace was shattered by a bunch of annoying little kids who made it their life's mission to annoy the good, hard-working man. They…are you crying? 

------------------------------ 

No. 

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You are! Why are you crying? 

------------------------------ 

I'm not! 

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Oh, I'm sorry! I don't want you to cry, stop crying! I'm sorry! You aren't that bad. 

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Thank you! I love you, too. 

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Why you little…! I can't believe I fell for that! 

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There's no man alive who can resist the crying of a female.   
  


***This will be explained in Chapter 8 of 'The Continuing Pursuit for a Father,' coming soon.**


	6. Adam and Kitty

**Chapter Six: Adam and Kitty**   


"I have to admit, this isn't one of Psyche Out's worse ideas," Kitty stated happily. 

"Though that," Adam replied pointing over to Lance and Peter, "I would have to say, is. It makes one wonder how he was ever able to pass the psychoanalyzation tests to become a shrink." 

"That's just too scary to even think about." 

"Definitely." 

"I hope they don't kill each other." 

"You have to admit that it'd be fun to see them all sweaty rowdy." 

"That'd be great." 

"I know. Who's going to start?" 

"I will." 

***** 

Blake Stone regarded the occupant of the small, dusty jail cell with cool blue eyes. He was the Sheriff of Dodge City, and had been for the past few years. He was the youngest Sheriff to have been elected at 25. He was respected throughout the city as a tough but fair man. And he was considered, by the women, to be quite a handsome package. He was tall, nearly six feet in height, with deep chestnut brown hair. His eyes were a deep blue with flecks of amber when he was all fired up. He was muscular, broad shouldered, but still agile and graceful in his own way. He was polite and passionate in his every day life, applying himself with vigor to the tasks he loved. Though right now his thoughts were only on his job and the lone person in the dingy cell: Miss Rebecca Lowden. 

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Rebecca was the owner of the Tin Stone ranch, now that her father had passed on. The Tin Stone was half a day's ride out of town and was one of the most prosperous ranches this side of the Rockies. It was believed that she was operating a gang of outlaws that had been robbing the train on its various trips to the City and she had been taken for questioning, and was being rather obstinate about answering any questions. Her pixie-like looks contradicted the accusations directed toward her. She was slightly over five and a half feet tall and was thin and lithe with hidden strength that came from raising cattle on a ranch her whole life. She had deep brown hair that reached to just below her shoulders and had wide blue eyes that easily conveyed her emotions. And those pretty blue eyes were glaring back at Sheriff Stone with a blazing anger at being detained on such a preposterous charge. 

------------------------------ 

"You know, Miss Lowden, you could make this easy on yourself and just tell the truth," Blake said in his laid back drawl. "I'm sure you could avoid the hangman's noose if you'd just give up the members of your gang." 

------------------------------ 

"Contrary to popular belief, Sheriff, I have no idea just what you are talking about," Rebecca replied, her voice ice cold. "I do not run a gang. I never have and I never will. The closest I come to running a gang is the cowhands on the Tin Stone." 

------------------------------ 

"C'mon now, Miss Lowden, we both know that ain't true. One of the train robbers was last seen entering your barn." 

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"What my cowhands do is their own business. I have nothing to do with any gang and, while I don't want to lose any of my employees, you may feel free to detain and question them. I'll hire new cowhands," she offered with a sigh. She couldn't believe that the whole town suspected her of illegalities. "I swear on my beloved papa's grave that I have nothing to do with any gang of outlaws." 

------------------------------ 

That last statement set Blake aback. It was common knowledge to anyone who had been in Dodge for any length of time that Miss Lowden had dearly loved her father—the late Vince Lowden—that her swearing by him and not meaning it would be, to her, a fate worse than death. "You wouldn't be lying to me now, would you Miss Lowden?" 

------------------------------ 

You know, we're actually pretty good at this. All we need to do is hammer out a plot and steam it up a bit and we could probably get published. 

------------------------------ 

You're right. Do you think we should try it? 

------------------------------ 

It wouldn't hurt. Though I have a feeling that all our heroes would be a merged version of Lance and Peter. 

------------------------------ 

It was that obvious? 

------------------------------ 

Of course, girl. You got it bad. At least you didn't enter two heroes. 

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That's not funny. Let's get back to the story.   
  


**The inspirations for this chapter come from romance novels, the movie _Cat Ballou_, the Sci-Fi Western television show _Firefly_ (which was cruelly cancelled before its time…stupid FOX,) and stereotypical gay men. And, for that reason, I would like to dedicate this chapter to the best romance writer I've ever read, Johanna Lindsey, to Joss Whedon and the cast of _Firefly_, and to all the stereotypical gay men out there. This one's for you.**


	7. Fred and Bobby

**All information about Narcissistic Personality Disorder has been taken from MentalHealth.net and belongs entirely to them.**   
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**Chapter Seven: Bobby and Fred**   


"This little project reminds me of Iron Chef," Fred beamed. "Only instead of dueling with recipes, we're dueling with words." 

"Doesn't that put you at a major disadvantage?" Bobby sniped. 

"That's not funny, you dumb cluck." 

"I'm just stating the truth. What are you going to write about other than food?" 

***** 

Prior to beginning this project, I had a minute conversation with my co-author. That chat brought forth to my mind an article I once read in a psychology text about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. NPD is described as "a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts." Those contexts include lack of empathy, arrogant behavior or attitudes, and a belief that he or she is extraordinarily special and can only be understood by other extraordinarily special people. It is my amateur diagnosis that my co-author, one Bobby Drake, is experiencing several of the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and should immediately seek help from a licensed psychiatrist. 

------------------------------ 

What a crock of bull. Who are you to make judgments on people's mental health? What do you even know about psychology? So you read a couple books, I think you're taking your very limited knowledge of the science and applying it however you see fit. 

------------------------------ 

I've read more psychology books than you could ever know. And notice how you don't deny my claims. 

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Why should I even bother denying a half-baked, ill-conceived theory thought up by a moron? 

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It is not an ill-conceived notion. I've read about NPD and I truly believe that you should look into it. Why not check it out just to prove that I'm wrong? 

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I don't have to pay some shrink one hundred dollars an hour to prove that your idiotic ideas are based on your own messed up fantasies. I'm above buying into your "diagnosis." 

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Look at what you just wrote. You're "above" it. You think that you're better than me and even your own teammates. 

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I never said that. You're putting words into my mouth. 

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You don't have to say it. It's blatantly obvious. 

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You're such a freak. 

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That's good. Ten paragraphs before you dissolve into insults. It took you longer than I thought it would. 

------------------------------ 

Oh shut up you quack. 


	8. Kurt and Wanda

**Chapter Eight: Kurt and Wanda**

"What was Psyche Out thinking teaming the two of us together?" Wanda commented, staring at the blank sheet of paper. 

"Do you really want an answer to that?" Kurt replied. "Because I imagine Psyche Out's mind to be a dark, scary place with many sharp, pointy things." 

"You're probably right. What do you even want to write about?" 

"I have no idea. But I do wonder what Rogue and Pietro are writing." 

"Yeah…they really seem to be going at it." 

"Do you think Psyche Out would notice if we plagiarized a movie or book?" 

"I think he'd notice. And I think he'd punish us by making us do a hundred of these things." 

"I think we should protest by not doing one." 

"And that would get us out of doing a hundred more…how?" 

"We'd be making a statement. This is cruel and unusual punishment." 

"What makes you say that?" 

"They expect us to work together to write a story, but have given us no guidelines other than that and no ideas of even how to begin. It is one thing to do this on ones own, but to partner X-Men up with Misfits is just cruel and unusual punishment. Our two groups can rarely, if ever, work together and not get into fights and end up beaten and bloodied. To intentionally throw us together is just wrong." 

"You know what? You're right. Psyche Out should have his license to practice revoked!" 

***** 

It has come to our attention that this project is not only stupid; it's cruel and unusual punishment. It is due to our beliefs that we launch a protest by not taking part in this stupid project. 

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I second everything that Kurt says. We're not doing this. And you can't make us!   


**Check back soon for the final two chapters that pit Remy against Xi and Lance against Peter. It's going to be fun.**


	9. Remy and Xi

**Chapter Nine: Remy and Xi**

"This is not going to be fun," Remy sighed. 

"I don't know what to write about," Xi admitted. 

"And I do?" 

"You do?" 

"No, I don't. That was sarcasm." 

"You don't have a good sarcasm voice." 

"And you do?" 

"No, I don't." 

"Man, you do have a good sarcasm voice." 

"Thank you. I learned from the best." 

"Who? _The Golden Girls_?" 

"No, Lance. Who are the _Golden Girls_?" 

"I can't believe this is my life." 

***** 

Why can't you believe that this is your life? 

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Why did you write that instead of saying it? 

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Well, we have to write something. 

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You have a point. But why the twenty questions? 

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Twenty questions? I'd love to play twenty questions. Choose something! Animal, vegetable, or mineral. 

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I can't believe I'm doing this. Fine…Animal. Your twenty questions start now. 

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I guess Rogue. 

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But you haven't even asked a question yet! 

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I didn't have to. It's obvious that your first choice for something would be Rogue. Am I right? 

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Yes, but that was cheating! You're supposed to ask questions. 

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Why waste questions when you don't need them. How about we try again? 

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Fine. Vegetable. 

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Okra. 

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What in the…how in the world did you guess that? 

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Who in their right mind would guess okra right off the bat? That was your reasoning for choosing it. 

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Are you sure you're not a mind reader? 

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Very. Fine, I'll choose something. Animal. 

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Is it a human? 

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No. That's one. 

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This is going to take a while, isn't it? 

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Yes, that's two. 

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Wait a minute. That didn't count! 

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It was a question, of course it counts. 

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But it wasn't pertinent to the game! Who would accept a question that doesn't work toward a guess? 

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Me. That's three. 

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Stop doing that! Neither of those questions counted! 

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Yes they did! 

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No they didn't! 

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Yes they did. Now let's get back to the game. It's an animal, not a human, and you have 17 questions left. 

------------------------------ 

Fine. Is it a mammal? *cough*cheater*cough* 


	10. Lance and Peter

**Chapter Ten: Lance and Peter**

"Psyche Out must hate us," Lance stated. "He wants us to kill each other. I'm almost certain of this." 

"Oh, I don't know, I halfway agree with him. Kitty would be much better off without you in her life," Peter replied. 

"I hate you. So much." 

"That goes double for me." 

***** 

There once was a beautiful Princess named Kitty. She had her pick of all the eligible bachelors in the land and after meeting them all she had just about given up hope of ever meeting a man who could steal her heart. Then one day she met the dashing Lance, who had loved her from the first moment he saw her. He was lucky enough to be the one to whom she bestowed her heart. 

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Then along came the kind, caring, compassionate Prince Peter who saw the wretched Lance for the villain he was. He carefully got proof that Lance was evil as the day is long and showed that proof to the fair Princess Kitty, who then bestowed her heart to him and banished the Evil Lance from the land forever. 

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She's not going to choose you, Rustbucket. 

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Well she's certainly not going to choose you, Rock-for-brains! 

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Of course she is, you moving anchor! 

***** 

"Get over here, Rockhead!" Peter yelled as he launched himself at his foe. Soon an all out fight had broken out between them and a few of the other couples. 

"No! You can't watch Firefly when we get home and that's final!" Beach Head yelled. 

"Get back here you annoying yahoo! I rue the day you were ever born!" Rogue screamed. 

"You're cheating! There's no way that was twenty freaking questions!" Remy yelled. 

"I'm not cheating! Count them, those are twenty questions!" Xi replied. 

"I do **_not_** have Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I do **_not_** think I'm better than my teammates!" Bobby shouted. 

"Oh yes," Hank said. "This was a smashing success." 

"We just got in a new shipment of alcohol," Xavier said. "I say we all retreat to the safety of my office until this latest fight is over.   


**Well, there it is. The end of _Narratives From the Edge_. I hope everyone enjoyed it and I hope the last two chapters make sense...I was watching _Absolutely Fabulous_ while writing it so I may end up not making any sense...**


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